{"id":686,"date":"2013-08-05T14:40:11","date_gmt":"2013-08-05T18:40:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theroacheshavenoking.com\/RoachesBlog\/?p=686"},"modified":"2013-08-05T14:40:11","modified_gmt":"2013-08-05T18:40:11","slug":"god-proud-of-cockroaches","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/?p=686","title":{"rendered":"“God Proud Of Cockroaches”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"700\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

The ‘humor’ site\u00a0The Onion<\/a>, which is usually as funny as leukemia, finally got a story right, in spite of itself:<\/p>\n

THE HEAVENS\u2014Saying He was astounded with their continued tenacity and resilience through generations of life on earth, God Almighty, our Lord and Heavenly Father, declared today His overwhelming pride in cockroaches.<\/p>\n

The Divine Creator, who spoke extensively with reporters about the prevalent group of insects, repeatedly stated that cockroaches have \u201cfar exceeded\u201d His expectations for them and conveyed His deep admiration for the accomplishments of all 4,500 cockroach species.<\/p>\n

\u201cCockroaches have come a long way since I first created them\u2014they\u2019ve really flourished over the eons and have clearly established themselves as one of earth\u2019s great creatures,\u201d the Eternal One proclaimed. \u201cI admit, I didn\u2019t give them much to work with, but look at what they\u2019ve done with it. There are cockroaches on every continent on the planet\u2014in houses, apartments, landfills, forests, deserts\u2014everywhere. They are truly remarkable beings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you asked me millions of years ago whether or not I thought cockroaches would outlive dinosaurs, I would have said \u2018absolutely not,\u2019\u201d God continued. \u201cBut, I just have to admire the little guys for proving me wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Calling the insects\u2019 adaptability to constant environmental changes \u201cunparalleled,\u201d the Maker of Heaven and Earth was visibly elated when discussing the tremendous volume of vibrant, cooperative communities that cockroaches have built across the world despite possessing neither complex brain structures nor opposable thumbs.<\/p>\n

He Who Commanded Light to Shine Out of Darkness told reporters that, when comparing cockroaches to other species like zebras, plankton, alligators, human beings, or plant life, He was most taken by how the average cockroach would willingly eat anything, live anywhere, and compete against any species in order to survive and reproduce.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, God noted that in His overwhelming praise of cockroaches, He hadn\u2019t even factored in the numerous members of the genus that have the ability to fly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I had to describe cockroaches in one word, it would have to be \u2018fearless,\u2019\u201d the Supreme Being said, smiling widely as He reflected on the continuing successes of cockroaches. \u201cI was just watching the other night when six or seven of them scurried right across the face of Daniel Jaffe of Urbana, IL\u2014who is something like 40 times bigger than them, mind you\u2014and they didn\u2019t even think twice about it. And that kind of thing happens thousands of times every day. That\u2019s how you know they have courage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd every year human scientists come up with some new formula to kill cockroaches, but I always know they\u2019ll learn to avoid poisoned bait or develop their own chemical resistance and will still be around and thriving the following year,\u201d He added. \u201cHonestly, I probably don\u2019t tell them enough how proud I am of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

The omnipotent entity went on to state that He occasionally wished more species exhibited the persistent willpower and determination of cockroaches, but then reminded reporters that He continued to love all of His creations equally for what they had to offer.<\/p>\n

The Lord then added, however, that even though cockroaches live just a year and a half on average, each one had likely achieved \u201cfar, far more in its life than any other creature.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI presume if I made cockroaches even slightly bigger, they would be commanding the entire planet right now, no questions asked,\u201d said God, remarking that He still wouldn\u2019t put it past the insects to one day dominate earth nonetheless. \u201cBut what I really like about them is how they seem quite content with their status in the world. They\u2019re satisfied with how far they\u2019ve come and are truly grateful for what they have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCockroaches will forever be welcome in My kingdom,\u201d God added. \u201cThat\u2019s why there are always billions of them crawling around heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n


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The ‘humor’ site\u00a0The Onion, which is usually as funny as leukemia, finally got a story right, in spite of itself: THE HEAVENS\u2014Saying He was astounded with their continued tenacity and resilience through generations of life on earth, God Almighty, our … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=686"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danielevanweiss.com\/BlogRoaches\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}